Some feelings while in Paris

One thing that I wanted to blog a bit about was my mood. When we started the program, they showed us the happiness curve. It starts out erratic, then you go through a period of happiness due to being in new surroundings. Then there is a low when you start missing home and eventually, you get acclimated to the new country and it is similar to other places.

Anyways, I would say that I am in the erratic stage now. For the most part, I have been having a great time with seeing all that there is to see in France. I enjoy seeing the city but more importantly I have enjoyed interacting with French people. Too bad that I don't have time to do some type of French class. I feel like I am solidifying my French knowledge but I am not learning that many new things. But one thing that has been getting to me a bit is that I do feel like is that my social situation is unstable and that I have to put a lot of effort into that.

One example is that when we are in a group, I feel like I need to be loud otherwise my voice gets drowned out. In general, I am a person who likes to talk to people one on one. I feel like I have had good small group conversations with people but in the larger group I am sometimes quiet. This is not that different from other parts of my life but I do wish that I was more dynamic in a group setting at times. I remember one particular instance where some of us went out to rue de mouffetard and I was just quiet and I didn't feel like I had a good way to break into the conversation. For some reason, I was not in a very good mood.

One thing that is somewhat related is that I am not sleeping particularly well (I am averaging around 7 hours). I anticipated this earlier in the trip but now that it is happening, I am not sure that I am going to do much about it. When I am tired, I am less likely to speak up.

Looking at how I've been feeling, it is a bit strange that I have been so concerned with these small social issues. In the past, these things have not been on my mind. One aspect of it for me is that I feel like my relationships with the people on this trip are changing quickly (I know a few people that I have changed the way that I am acting around them a lot since the start of the trip). The main insecurity for me is that I don't want to feel like I don't have anybody to go around with.

In a related note, I have to be very careful with how I manage my time. I have been devoting a lot of time to social activities. I am taking the GRE general test on the 27th so I really do need to study for that more than I have been doing. I also feel that I haven't quite been doing as much as I could be on my research. One of the things that I have noticed is that it takes us a really long time to get dinner and I do not get that much done during the evenings. I think that until the 27th, I need to not be going out most of the time. I have some reservations about doing this because of the social issues that I mentioned above. I am glad that I chose that date though because I can then just be done with all of that and enjoy the rest of the summer.

In a bit unrelated note, I have noticed that I really do enjoy a bit of alone time. Tonight, I just sifted through my emails and watched a few starcraft videos. This was relaxing for me and I do like to have time with my thoughts. We are always running around and I think that it is great to have some personal relaxing time.

As always, there is way too much for me to talk about. Next time, I will talk more about my travels in the past few days and some things about research. Hopefully I get to do a practice GRE tomorrow morning...